White Dog (1982)

PLOT:

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It begins with a black screen and the sound of a dog yelping in pain--a noise sure to set any animal lover’s teeth on edge. As the screen comes to life, we see Julie Sawyer (Kristy McNichol) on a dark and empty road. She’s just struck a white german shepherd, who lies motionless on the highway. Soon that very dog is a major part of her life. When a man breaks into her house and attempts to rape Julie, the dog defends her, refusing to let the attacker go until the police arrive. Julie’s told that she’s lucky to have such a guardian.

Unfortunately for Julie, it turns out that this particular dog is a “white dog,” an attack dog raised and trained by a racist to viciously assault and even kill people with black skin. Julie, understandably, is reluctant to put down the dog that saved her. Her only hope is a black animal trainer named Keys (Paul Winfield), a man driven to deprogram the white dog in what he sees is a direct conflict with white racism. But can anyone undo the damage that’s been done to the poor dog’s mind? And how many have to be put at risk before the white dog should be put down?

REVIEW:

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Samuel Fuller’s White Dog kind of looks like a TV movie, and is more-or-less acted like one. Still, it’s not without its charms. While the main focus of the film is certainly racism, another, just as important theme is man’s cruelty towards animals. The white dog is an innocent, in a sense; we learn that, since it was a puppy, it has been programmed to attack black men, and the process was probably something like this: a black bum or junkie, having been paid by the dog’s owner, repeatedly beats the animal, until it learns to fear and hate black men on sight. As Keys explained, to the white dog, black men are only that--men with black skin. It’s merely a colour that the dog recognizes and attacks, without all the ideology of human racism. No matter how evil the dog may seem, it is only acting out human evil. One can’t help but sympathize with the dog.

But the violence against animals doesn’t end with the dog. Keys works with a man named Carruthers, and together they operate a business that trains wild animals for use in show business. The film doesn’t pussyfoot around exactly what this entails; the violence that is required to turn wild animals into trained, docile beings is displayed in full. Deprogramming the white dog (which never receives a name, oddly enough) is a violent affair as well, though in this instance it’s mostly a case of the dog attacking Keys until exhaustion again and again.


Certainly there are no A-list actors in the cast, but at least the principle actors acquit themselves well--most of the time. Paul Winfield (best known to fans of The Simpsons as the voice of Luscious Sweet) plays Keys (an otherwise underdeveloped character) as a man single-mindedly driven to “save” the white dog. To put the dog down, he believes, is to let the racists win, to let them destroy something else. Certainly it stretches believability when he is willing to circumvent the law in serious (and questionable) ways to give himself more time with the dog, but he’s convincing enough in his determination that we can almost buy it. Kristy McNichol, at least, plays a dog-lover well.

The real star, though, is the white dog itself, played by five different stunt dogs. They are really beautiful dogs, and even when the white dog is charging someone, intent on ripping that person’s throat out, you can’t help but notice what a stunning animal it is. It’s easy to empathize with a dog, too--a racist human, of course, would be far less sympathetic.


The Criterion Collection DVD of White Dog is everything you’d expect for a lower-tier release from the company. The presentation is good, and the extras are certainly suitable. A featurette that contains interviews with (among others) co-writer Curtis Hanson (writer/director of L.A. Confidential) offers some illuminating information on both Fuller and his film, as well as the trials behind making the movie, while another feature advertised as an “interview with dog trainer Karl Lewis-Miller” turns out to be excerpts from the man’s book. Also, I quite like the cover.

White Dog is a flawed film, troubled by some pretty blasé acting and some rather uninspired cinematography. It is, however, quite an interesting film, and if you can take the idea of a racist dog seriously after seeing the “Sheriff” episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, I’d highly recommend it.



First Blood (1982), Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985) & Rambo III (1988)

First Blood (1982) - Taut and well constructed actioner, making great use of it's mountainous British Columbia location. Vietnam vet John Rambo (Sylvester Stallone) is hounded by a redneck Sheriff (Brian Dennehy) when he drifts through his town, until he's pushed too far and goes BER-ZERK. Holds up much better than others of it's ilk, and Stallone's final speech is effective and well delivered. Hardly the explosion-fest that the series became, it's excellently paced and exciting, and features a great performance from Dennehy. Richard Crenna's performance as Col. Trautman sometimes crosses into cartoonish territory, and the ending may seem rather downbeat, but this is the best in the series by a considerable amount.

Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985) - And, then things took a strange turn. Working from a script by James Cameron (and Stallone), this time Rambo is offered the opportunity to photograph missing POWs in Vietnam. As expected, he's better at mowing down waves of baddies and blowing up their villages than he is at taking pictures, and Murdock (who is running the mission) pulls out and leaves him stranded. Big mistake. He decides to take his revenge by killing everyone he sees, except for some POWs and the beautiful Vietnamese freedom fighter Co Bao (Julia Nickson, whose stilted speech patterns are embarrassing), and taking his revenge on Murdock (the awesomely slimy Charles Napier).

In First Blood, John Rambo was a damaged veteran suffering from internal demons and post traumatic stress. In the oddly titled Rambo: First Blood Part II, he's a one man army who kills literally hundreds of people in an attempt to win the Vietnam War single-handedly. I like to think of this film as a ridiculously patriotic fever dream had by the character in the first film, as it seems almost totally at odds with the tone and content of the original. That said, it's still entertaining as a Reagan-era action cartoon, and it's hardly surprising that it eventually became just that. Things blow up real good, and if that's what you're in for, it's hard not to enjoy it.

Rambo III (1988) - Somewhere the titling of these films went wrong. So, you thought that Rambo demolishing the Vietcong and winning the war dated the second film somewhat? Well, in this one Rambo is pushed to help Afghanistan freedom fighters take on Russian invaders after his friend Col. Trautman (Crenna) is captured by the Commies. Filmed at the end of the Cold War, and obviously well before the current conflict in Afghanistan, the film is at times ideologically ambitious but sabotages any sort of interesting political statement with massive amounts of killing and stereotypical Russian stooges. The action is often exciting, but things get muddled in the second half and the film never quite recovers. Badly timed on release, coming as it did as the USSR began to collapse, it remains a dated curosity with moments of solid action post 9/11.

Cobra (1986) & Frost/Nixon (2008)

I'm on vacation throughout December, but i'm still committed to writing up a few thoughts on the film's i've seen. I'll be posting some abbreviated thoughts on the films I encounter.

Cobra (1986) - Incredibly ridiculous Dirty Harry rip-off, even going as far to borrow Reni Santoni and Andrew Robinson from the 1971 film. Action packed, though reeking of conservative 80s values, and featuring some god-awful music. Sylvester Stallone stars as Marion Cobretti, a cop with an attitude who plays by his own rules. When a cult starts targeting a "beautiful" model (reality star Brigitte Nielsen), Cobra's unique method of police work (and his near-invincible 1950 Mercury vehicle) is brought in to protect her. Over the top set pieces, as can be expected from the director of Rambo: First Blood Part 2, but montage scenes come off like bad 80s music videos. Fans of 80s mindless action flicks will love it, but this is the sort of film that revels in its own cliches.

Watch out for plenty of recognizable faces, including David Rasche (Sledgehammer!) and infomercial pitchman Joe Fowler as a reporter.

Frost/Nixon (2008) - Dramatization of the famous interviews and the circumstances surrounding them, based on the Peter Morgan play and featuring some amazing performances from Michael Sheen and (particularly) Frank Langella as Nixon. Ron Howard is appropriately hands off, but the film never seems unnatural or staged and the appropriate tension is masterfully wrung out of the men's final confrontation. Impressive supporting turns by Oliver Platt, Kevin Bacon and Sam Rockwell, but this is the Sheen/Langella show and both men obviously relish the opportunity to show off the chops they honed onstage.

Paced very well, and riveting to the end.

JT's Christmas Classics Corner: The Year Without A Santa Claus (1974)

When I was a kid, I was quite a conniseur of holiday classics, and naturally the holiday I looked forward to the most was Christmas. Christmas wasn't the holiday that the kid year revolved around merely because of the toys.

It was also about the animated specials!

It was like Saturday morning every night for a week until the blessed day arrived. Although A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965) is probably my single favorite yuletide masterpiece ever, I readily acknowledge that Rankin-Bass's stop-motion specials were the backbone of Christmas animated television programming.

And few were better than The Year Without A Santa Claus.

You could definitely argue that Rankin-Bass is the company that contributed heavily to the commercialization of Christmas that Charlie Brown so significantly despised in his own holiday special.

Starting with Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer (1962), the company slowly churned out animated specials that still celbrated the humanistic qualities that make Christmas time so special but they definitley pulled away from the religious trappings of the holiday.

It wasn't until 1968 later that RB produced its first religiously relevant Chrismtas special, The Little Drummer Boy.

As with all RB animated specials, the plotline is pretty simple to follow.

An overworked Santa Claus (Mickey Rooney) finds himself depressed by the growing lack of cheer and Christmas spirit in the humanity he's served faithfully for countless generations and as a result, Santa decides to take a day off.

Yep.. Santa cancels Christmas.

Luckily enough, we idiotic humans have a plucky and wonderful heroine in our corner and her name is Mrs. Claus (Shirley Booth).

In an effort to both redeem humankind in the eyes of Santa and help her husband bolster his wavering faith, Mrs. Claus sends two elves and one of the flying reindeer to Southtown USA to find evidence to dispel Santa's misgivings.

However, the only thing that the hapless elves, Jingle and Jangle, find is misfortune as their flying reindeer is nabbed by Southtown's rather mean-spirited dogcatcher.

Mrs. Claus goes down to Southtown herself in order to obtain the reindeer's release but the Mayor of the eternally warm hamlet tells Mrs. Claus that he'll only agree to the release the reindeer under one condition.

It has to snow for the first time ever in Southtown.

Unless you've lived under a rock, or were born sometime after 2002, I shouldn't have to tell you about the solution to the problem that involves two gentlemen by the name of Heat Miser and Cold Miser.

In typical Yuletide tradition, the resolution of the various subplots gives way to the universal message of the season (or at least the non-religious version): Santa is a living symbol of goodwill and charity and embodies the qualities that all humans should strive to emulate all year long and especially on Christmas.

Even as a slightly jaded forty year-old guy, I still find The Year Without A Santa Claus to be a heartwarming morality tale for kids and kids at hart. If this doesn't get you into the holiday spirit, you're probably dead.

Also, if you think this production has lost punch over time then try listening to these tunes without tapping your toes.

Red Dwarf - Series One (1988)

A twenty year old cult phenomenon at this point, Red Dwarf began in 1988 as the long gestating brainchild of Spitting Image writers Rob Grant and Doug Naylor. Riding the wave of the alternative British comedy programs of the 1980s, along with influence from John Carpenter's irreverent Dark Star and the long tradition of English science fiction (Blake's 7, Dr. Who), the show showed that melding sometimes broad comedy and hard sci-fi could be done in a sitcom format. The first season is at times rather inconsistent, but it's clear even now that the creators were onto something.

The six episodes of the first series are:

1) The End - Lister is sentence to 18 months in stasis (a sort of suspended animation) for keeping a cat on the ship, but awakens to find it's three million years later and the entire crew has been killed by a radiation leak. His only company is the ship's computer Holly (Norman Lovett), a human/cat hybrid that evolved from his pet (Danny John-Jules), and the holographic representation of his former roommate: the uptight, bureaucratic Rimmer (Chris Barrie).

The first episode quickly introduces the viewer to the premise of the show and rather smoothly brings us into it's futuristic world. The Odd Couple dynamic of Lister and Rimmer may seem like a sitcom cliche, but both actors take great joy in jumping into their roles and their interplay (and the deft script) makes for very entertaining viewing.

2) Future Echoes - As Lister debates returning to stasis while the ship heads for earth, the crew begins to experience strange time anomalies. Discovering it's the result of them traveling faster than the speed of light, Rimmer appears to witness a future vision of Lister being killed and Lister has to find a way to avoid this eventuality.

Mixing hard science fiction with sitcom style would become what Red Dwarf would be known for, and they jump right into the rather murky territory of time anomalies in the series' second episode. Featuring some rather ambitious special effects for the time, this is one of the stronger efforts from the first season.

3) Balance Of Power - Frustrated with Rimmer's unwillingness to let him date the hologram of former ship-mate Kristine Kochanski, Lister decides to get his chef certificate so he will outrank him. Rimmer, of course, attempts to stop this from happening by any means necessary.

A rather standard episode, though it gives plenty of opportunity for the two leads to insult each other with the terms (Smeghead, gimboid, goit) the series became known for. Fun, but the episode feels a bit like a throwaway, which is rather disappointing when you're talking about a brief, six-episode series.

4) Waiting For God - Lister discovers that he is considered God by Cat's people and becomes distressed when he reads about the the violence that has been carried out in hi name during his time in stasis. Meanwhile, Rimmer becomes obsessed with a (unknown to him) garbage pod brought onto the ship and mistakenly believes that it may contain alien life.

The main story of this episode is an interesting, though heavy handed, commentary on religion; a rather heady topic for a sitcom. It was nice to see a bit of development of the history of the cat people (the Felis sapiens), but it seemed like the writers were still trying to find their feet with The Cat as a character at this point. Rimmer's discovery of the pod's actual purpose is classic, however.

5) Confidence And Paranoia - After Lister contracts a mutated for of Paranoia, his dreams begin to manifest in solid form. This includes living personifications of his confidence (played by Scottish talk show host Craig Ferguson) and paranoia (Lee Cornes). While at first pleased with the company, Lister soon finds that unbridled confidence comes with a dangerous price.

Likely the weakest episode of the first series, though it's certainly interesting to see a pre-fame Craig Ferguson and it does include quite an impressive body explosion at the end. It's rather heady stuff as a whole, but the episode doesn't really have enough time to properly explore the idea.

6) Me² - After the events of the previous episode, Lister finds himself having to deal with two holographic Rimmers aboard the ship. While at first they get along perfectly, they soon begin to despise each other. Eventually it's decided that only one can stay, but how will they choose?

A strong final episode of the first series, with the idea of Rimmer's perfect copy being intolerably irritating taken to its logical extreme. This episode also features Lister watching the tape of Rimmer's death and discovering that his final words were "gazpacho soup". The explanation of this (with a fun Citizen Kane reference) is actually a reference to an actual incident with Rob Grant and Doug Naylor where they were unaware that "gazpacho soup" was served cold.

There have been a number of DVD releases of Red Dwarf, but I watched the BBC Warner DVD of the first series which includes the episodes as broadcast. These episodes (as well as those from series two and three) were later remastered with different special effects and editing for alternate broadcasts and DVD release. The full screen transfer looks strong, though a bit on the dull side since almost every set is painted a rather drab gray.

There are commentaries on every episode by Craig Charles, Chris Barrie, Norman Lovett, and Danny John-Jules. The first episode also features a bonus commentary by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor, and Ed Bye. It's almost a shame that this wasn't reversed as the Grant/Naylor/Bye track on episode one is wonderfully informative. It details briefly what influenced the show, the casting, and where the names of the characters came from amongst other trivia. While the cast commentaries are fun, it's obvious that the actors haven't seen the episodes in a long time and spend more time watching and laughing at the lines than revealing any information.

There is talk of new episodes of Red Dwarf being filmed this year to be shown in 2009, and it's tremendous that the show remains so fresh after it's original broadcast. It's unlikely that anyone would argue that the first season is the best, but it's a strong introduction to the seven series (at this point) that have been produced. Strongly recommended for fans of British humor or science fiction.

Pulgasari (1985)

PLOT:

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Facing a peasant revolt, the king decides to confiscate all the available iron from a poor farming village so that the local blacksmith can forge weapons. The blacksmith, being a sympathetic fellow, hides the iron instead and blames their disappearance on an iron-loving monster named Pulgasari. The king is understandably upset at this news, and decided to imprison and starve the blacksmith until they get the truth. Before his death he fashions a small figurine, which his daughter eventually comes to own (and, eventually, bleed on). Soon, the figurine has (unconvincingly) come to life and begun to eat everything in sight made of iron! UH-OH! Pulgasari grows rapidly from this iron intake and soon helps the villagers as they revolt against the rich king. Eventually the peasants overtake the leaders, but now find themselves at the mercy of Pulgasari who continues to munch on their farming tools. It's up to the blacksmith's daughter to cry, and cry and cry and sacrifice herself for the greater good.

REVIEW:

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This may shock you, but Kim Jong Il has been known to get a bit nutty. He's also reportedly a huge fan of movies, particularly Western films, and in the 80s as he was taking over in North Korea as their "Dear Leader" he deemed it incredibly important to kick the North Korean film industry into high gear. Now, he could have opened up film schools or poured money into the technical training of potential filmmakers and eventually produced a solid, internationally renowned cabal of filmmakers (like South Korea has produced since 2000).

But, forget that noise.

Why not, instead, just kidnap a well regarded South Korean director and get him to make movies for North Korea? In 1979, that's exactly what he did, kidnapping Shin Sang-ok and imprisoning him and his wife until they were properly brainwashed and prepared to enter the movie-making machine. Kim Jong Il himself had actually written a book on film-making (he's a renaissance man), and recognized that North Korea needed a bold new vision to introduce themselves to the world cinematic stage.

What was that vision?

A STRANGELY SLOW MOVING AND POLITICAL GODZILLA RIP-OFF.

Thankfully Shin Sang-ok and his wife were able to escape before Pulgasari was complete (which led to his name being removed from the credits), but we're left with a rare artifact that may or may not (opinion seems to vary) have ever actually been screened in North Korea. Have we been denied the North Korean kaiju Godzilla knock-off that we've always wanted?

What strikes the viewer very early into Pulgasari is that this is a film with a point to make. Unlike the dozens of Godzilla and Gamera films, which tend to take place in major city centers, this takes place mostly in and around a poor and repressed village in 14th century Korea. There are no spaceships or science fiction elements (except some out-of-place rockets that appear near the end). But it's difficult to watch the film and not try and uncover its political symbolism, particularly in regards to its views on a poor underclass standing up to a military regime and that the monster (representing capitalism?), once a savior of the people, almost ends up destroying them. Or that could all be nonsense, and it might just be a really good excuse to smash up some neat models.

Also, despite the rather limited scope of locations in the film, there are literally thousands of extras onscreen during some of the battle scenes. While not unheard of in epic Hollywood films, the sheer numbers of extras in the film are impressive to witness, though again demonstrates the power of the political machine behind the film's production.

Pulgasari him(her?)self is an imposing creature once he reaches full size, though his early appearances give off an annoying Son Of Godzilla vibe that had me fearing the worst. The suit seems fairly stable, though the blank eyes give their share of unintentional laughs. Staff from Toho actually worked on the special effects of the film, including Kenpachiro Satsuma, the Godzilla actor at the time who also played Pulgasari in the film.

The special effects as a whole are a tad uneven, though there are some impressive miniatures in the second half of the film. The back-projection Pulgasari attacks have aged badly, and certainly there isn't as many lasers or tanks (or skyscrapers) as you would see in an average Godzilla movie, but when models are employed things generally look good.

The acting is difficult to gauge, though the subtitles are (thankfully) reasonably coherent. The sets often have a bit of a Shaw Brothers feel to them, with a lot of the village scenes seeming a bit artificial. This artificiality is enhanced by the sound, which appears to be post-synced. Direction is rather flat and the non-Pulgasari action scenes feature inconsistent choreography and sometimes resemble bad 60s sword-and-sandals films. Oddly, the second half of the film feels rather episodic, almost like episodes of a television show rather than a movie, with the military coming up with a plan, almost capturing or killing Pulgasari, and then the monster eventually stopping them.

The film, to my knowledge, has not had a legitimate DVD release in North America. ADV films released the VHS in 2001 (following a successful theatrical release of the film in Japan to combat the 1998 American Godzilla film), and the DVD i've procured may have come from that release. The film is presented full-screen, and the film looks much older than the mid-1980s. While the actual quality of the image is quite good, the film stock makes things appear washed out and bland.

Pulgasari is an interesting historical artifact, and an incredibly wrong-headed attempt to invigorate the North Korean film industry. As is often the case, the story behind the film's creation remains much more interesting than the film itself, though there are enough entertaining moments in the slow moving tale to make it worth seeing. Strangely, Pulgasari (with the help of Shin Sang-ok who eventually sued to get his name put back on the film) was eventually remade in Europe in 1996 as Galgameth.

Fans of kaiju, or for those with an interest in North Korean art and culture, might want to check it out.

The whole film is actually available on Google Video (and presented here) for anyone interested.

Blood Sucking Freaks (aka The Incredible Torture Show) (1976)

PLOT:

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Sardu (Seamus O'Brien) runs a grand guignol torture show in New York along with his diminutive assistant Ralphus (Luis De Jesus) to enthusiastic crowds. What these folks don't know, however, is that the tortures and murders they are witnessing are real, and that Sardu is dealing in white slavery to get his victims. Football player Tom Maverick (Niles McMaster) starts to get suspicious after his ballerina girlfriend vanished, and buys the help of a corrupt cop to track her down. It turns out she's joined Sardu's sickening S&M show (after being kidnapped by Ralphus), but Tom starts to believe there's something funny going on. Along the way there is brain sucking, cannibal women, an ass dartboard, necrophilia, and a climactic cock sandwich(/w lettuce).

REVIEW:

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It seems appropriate that director Eli Roth is so involved with the special features on the Troma DVD of Joel M. Reed's Blood Sucking Freaks, as his name has become synonymous with torture and sadism in film for the past few years. Films like Hostel, Saw and Wolf Creek have carried the (rather reprehensible) label of "torture porn", and the public has devoured many of these (and similar) films with fervor. Critics have pointed to the political landscape, particularly the interrogation tactics of current international conflict, as having an influence on the growing genre, and it's interesting to go back to what many consider the simultaneous peak and nadir of 70s exploitation to see what distance (if any) cinema has traveled in regards to it's portrayal of torture.

It should be noted that Blood Sucking Freaks is, at its heart, a fairly broad black comedy. It pokes fun at its audience's love of violence, the corruption and filth of 70s New York, and the theatrical scene in general (particularly in Sardu's wish to be taken seriously as an artist). When Quarterback Tom Maverick calls 911 to help with the search for his girlfriend, he gets a recording and is asked to leave a message, and Sardu's kidnapping and torture of the critic who refuses to take him seriously smacks of satire. Even particularly vile lines (such as the classic "Her mouth will make an interesting urinal.") carry with them an exaggerated sense of outrageousness. The essence of the film isn't far away from John Water's classics.

Certainly the film is not afraid to push the boundaries of good taste. The most famous scene likely being the one where a doctor (Ernie Pysher) pulls out the teeth of a poor victim, before shaving her head bald and inserting an electrical drill into her brain. He proceeds to slide a clear straw into her wound, sucking out blood and brain matter (actually oatmeal), while a clearly disgusted Sardu and Ralphus watch on. It's as if even the film realizes it has gone too far, confirmed by Ralphus then feeding the doctor to his cage of starving cannibal women.

It's difficult to take the film very seriously, which is helped by a terrifically campy lead performance from Seamus O'Brien as Sardu. He can be appropriately menacing, but also sniveling when threatened and even occasionally comedic. Luis De Jesus as Ralphus is, well, awful. But, he brings a surreal flair to the proceedings, and he went on to be both a porn star and an Ewok, and that has to count for something. The rest of the cast is passable, though Viju Krem is often grating as the ballerina love interest.

This is seriously low budget stuff, though director Joel M. Reed wrings the most out of his few sets. The often darkened backgrounds enhance the theatrical staging of the tortures, though the camera remains mostly static throughout with a few shaky zooms being the only memorable cinematic touches. The FX are very rough, often just rising above early H.G. Lewis levels, though this tends to help soften the often unpleasant proceedings.

Troma's DVD release is, as if often the case with their releases, a mixed bag. The film presented in full-screen in a dark, though very watchable print. Sound can be slightly muffled, though it's all very audible and at the levels of most low-budget 70s releases.

The extras are diverse, though familiar to those with Troma DVD experience. You get the usual Tour Of Troma, the Troma Intelligence Test, a few groan inducing PSAs, The Radiation March short film, and ads for Lloyd Kaufman's biography and Troma's website. You also get Eli Roth's interviews with cannibal girl Arlana Blue, Ernie Pysher, and co-editor Victor Kaefsky.

The film also has a screen specific commentary with Eli Roth that is both informative and irritating. He displays a strong knowledge for the film and its stars, but often makes intentionally outrageous statements about the film's influence that makes it a bit of a chore to sit through. Still worthwhile, but a straight commentary would have been preferred.

Finally, there's also a stills gallery, as well as trailers for Blood Sucking Freaks, G.I. Executioner (also from Joel M. Reed), Cannibal: The Musical, The Toxic Avenger, Def By Temptation, Class Of Nuke'Em High, The Toxic Avenger II, Surf Nazis Must Die, Tromeo And Juliet, and Sgt. Kabukiman, N.Y.P.D.

One could make the case that Blood Sucking Freaks is the ultimate 70s exploitation film. It's sleazy, packed with nudity, contains sadistic (though comical) amounts of violence, and features just enough satire to redeem itself. This is a film more about S&M than modern torture methods, and it's better for it.

Certainly not for the faint of heart, but if you can handle the modern variations with less humor and state of the art special FX, then this one might be up your alley. Watch it with friends, and marvel.

Shock and Awe - The Grindhouse Experience #2 (11/08/2008)

On November 8th, 2008 at the lovely Fox Theatre in Toronto, Ontario, a group of lucky folks were treated to a night of cinematic delights the likes of which are rarely seen outside of the bedroom of a socially awkward college student. But, it's more than a shared experience amongst like-minded film-lovers.. It's also a test of will. 12 hours (or so) of Grindhouse cinema in the form of hippie science-fiction, moralizing blaxploitation, 80s valley girl comedy, psycho-sexual slasher, exotic porn, and the first super-hero from New Jersey.

Those who made it through the whole night found themselves with a smug sense of self satisfaction and a greater sense of self worth. Those who failed.. well, it's best not to speak of them.

Dark Star (1974) -John Carpenter (Halloween, Big Trouble In Little China, The Thing) and Dan O'Bannon's (writer of Alien, director of Return Of The Living Dead) trippy student film, expanded into feature length. Obviously inspired by 2001 and Silent Running, it uses some impressive low-budget special effects, along with a goofy sense of humor, to keep things humming to a surprisingly effective climax. The highlight is the character of Pinback (played by O'Bannon) tangling with an the ship's pet alien, realized as a beach ball with feet. A fun start to the evening.

The Bus Is Coming (1971) - Slow moving Blaxploitation effort about the conflict between a black Vietnam veteran, the radicals in his home neighborhood, and the racist cops that may have murdered his brother. Very political, and an interesting time capsule, but neither as incendiary nor as interesting as the poster art would leave you to believe. Interesting historical artifact, and competently made and acted, but too preachy to be consistently entertaining.

Mystery Film (1986) - Attendees have been sworn to secrecy in regards to the title, but anyone possibly nodding off at this point were assisted in wakefulness by the distribution of noisemakers. We were instructed to let off warnings whenever a limousine appeared onscreen, or whenever a character mentioned the word "chauffeur". Needless to say, this led to some significant squawking, which continued for several films afterward.

This one is a Mid 80s fish-out-of-water comedy about a valley girl (Deborah Foreman, star of, well, Valley Girl and the original April Fool's Day) suddenly finding herself working at a limousine company. After some various misadventures, she finds herself melting the cold exterior of Patrick Bateman-like Battle Witherspoon (played by Sam J. Jones a.ka. Flash Gordon). It's all plenty of fun, with small appearances by Howard Hesseman, the great E.G. Marshall, and the first film appearances of Penn and Teller. A bit uneven, but with a sharp script and an uneasy incest subplot. Hooray.

Night Warning (1983) - My surprise of the night, and my favorite film of the evening. Amazing slasher/thriller starring Jimmy McNichol as a basketball star who, after the bizarre (and violent) death of his parents, is raised by his slightly unhinged aunt. Susan Tyrell plays the aunt and turns in an absolutely amazingly crazed performance, while Bo Svenson is a lot of fun as an asshole cop working to investigate a mysterious murder involving the two. An early death-by-log signaled that we were in for something special, and everything about this one kept me riveted for the entire running time. Highly recommended.

Sensations (1975) - I have to say, I didn't know what I was getting into with this one. After the light porno comedy of Danish Pastries from the first Shock and Awe, I expected something similarly tame. I was incorrect.

Sensations is about a young American woman's experiences with the sexual freedoms of Amsterdam, eventually finding her turned into a pillow-of-pleasure in a sometimes surreal orgy scene. This one has it all - B/G, G/G, Anal, Hook Hands, Piss, Cocaine, a rather verile 68 year old, and lots and lots of 70s hair in all the places you might imagine. There are things in this that, once seen, can never be unseen.

The Toxic Avenger (1984) - Uncut version of the Troma classic. Admittedly, my familiarity with the subject matter (or, possibly, my brain trying to escape from the memories of Sensations), had me on the verge of sleep several times.

And this was certainly uncut, as some of the montages seemed to loop a bit, going on comically long. I've seen numerous cut versions of the film over the years, and this was the most complete I remember seeing, including the biker's head being run over, and the gym equipment face smashing. An appropriately fun and silly way to end things off.

Once again there were prize giveaways, appropriate goodies from the concession stand, and breaks between movies so we could slowly cower from the impending daylight. When we finally emerged from the darkned theatre at 10:30 AM, shielding our eyes from the sun, there was an audible sense of relief. We were all a little battered, but not beaten. Shock & Awe is a theatre full of diverse backgrounds and interests, but those that attend have a common love for films that exist slightly off the beaten path. One cannot help but be immediately excited for Shock & Awe #3, tentatively scheduled for June, 2009.

Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer (2007)

PLOT:

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Remember those blissful nights you spent, out in the forest, camping with your family? Remember the fire, the marshmallows, the storytelling? Remember your family being ruthlessly slaughtered by a forest troll? No? Well, Jack Brooks does. And he’s pissed. Since that time, Brooks (Trevor Matthews) has become a plumber (and my understanding is that this means he’s voting for McCain), one with an immense anger issue. How does he cope with his anger? Considering the title of the movie, you can probably guess.

The monsters in question--the monsters who Jack Brooks must slay--are led by Professor Gordon Crowley (Robert Englund), who teaches night school for a group of ne'er do-wells, Jack among them. Prof. Crowley is a well-meaning old chap who unfortunately runs afoul an evil black heart that takes him over, and gives him the power to create zombies. Or something. Zombies that Jack Brooks must slay. In the process, Jack overcomes his anger issues, and saves some members of his night class--but not all of them, or it wouldn't be gory enough.

REVIEW:

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Jon Knautz’s Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer is a harmless and fun creature feature, the kind of thing that you can pop on when you want a few laughs and a cheap thrill. It’s not really audacious, or ground breaking, or even particularly interesting, but it’s entertaining and it's reasonably well done. I guess this is damning it with faint praise, but all things considered, Jack Brooks doesn’t really screw anything up, and in the realm of low-budget horror films, that definitely counts for something.

The film is anchored around the performances of Englund and Matthews, and both are up to the task. Englund is able to give the sort of schlocky-yet-consummate performance you’d expect from an actor who has been living and breathing the genre for years--he’s practically this generation’s Vincent Price. He might not try very hard, but he doesn’t have to. Prof. Crowley’s an amiable guy, and Englund plays him in such a way that you can’t help but feel bad for him once he’s taken over by the ancient, evil force, making him the bad guy of the film.


Matthews, a relative newcomer, plays Jack as a high-strung loser, an average dude who can’t catch a break. His dialogue, though forced, is usually good for a laugh; complaining about his violent temper, he says: “Fuck man, I broke a bottle over my head once because I couldn’t open it! I mean, you know… that doesn’t even make any sense!”

There are no computer graphics in Jack Brooks, so some old timey horror purists should be happy--for instance, the monster that Prof. Crowley eventually morphs into is a gigantic puppet that took as many as eight handlers to operate at one time. In this sense, it has a definite old school feel to it; it’s kind of like a Stuart Gordon film (though less sleazy), or Evil Dead II (though less funny). Though low-budget, most of the monsters are quite impressive-looking; the cyclops and the Professor-creature are perhaps the most entertaining of the bunch.


The Anchor Bay DVD of Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer is presented in its original 1.78:1 aspect ratio, and contains a host of special features, including an audio commentary with the director, the writer, the composer, and Jack Brooks himself, Trevor Matthews. It’s nice to see a few behind the scenes videos; one that gives you insight into the monster-making process is interesting, but I’m not sure that anyone needs to see video from the World premiere at Sitges. Storyboard comparisons; a still gallery; deleted scenes; an art gallery; the trailer--all that shit is there.

Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer may not break new ground, but it’s good entertainment for anyone who wants to kill 80 minutes with some decent laughs, some old school monsters and gore, and a reasonable amount of bloodshed. Though I can see the humour falling flat for some, in most cases I think it hits its mark, and though the film might wait too long to bring on the real bloodshed, the final battle is gruesome and fun enough to make up for it.

Hot Wax Zombies on Wheels (1999)

PLOT:

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A body waxing business opens in a seaside California town, run by the evil, cape-wearing Yvonne (Gwen Somers). Apparently, a side effect of the waxing is becoming a mindless, sex-crazed zombie, which starts cutting into the business of lingerie store owner Sharon (Jill Miller) and barbers Mick (Jon Briddell) and Sven (Trevor Lovell). After Mick visits the waxing salon, it's up to Sharon and Sven to travel to Beverly Hills and stop Yvonne's maniacal plot to take over the world (or at least California).

PLOT:

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Hot Wax Zombies On Wheels is a pitiful entry into the already bloated horror/comedy field, and will elicit groans from the audience for both the juvenile humour on display (often in the form of wacky sound effects) as well as the technical ineptness that fills every frame. It's the film version of a wacky morning radio show, and the result is simply annoying when it's not flat out boring.

It's difficult to not be hard on a film which obviously had the resources, meager though they appear, to be better than it is. While the acting is amateurish, the production values are fine in a straight-to-video soft-core porn kind of way. It's the lame script and often incomprehensible plot which really drag things down, as well as a director who seems to honestly think fart noises and Bennie Hill-style sped up film are the height of comedy.

On the commentary, Jill Miller mentions a scene where her character is simply having a conversation but appears to be staring into space. She's right to question it, as the choice is both bizarre and distracting and, despite some awkward explanation from director Michael Roush, seems indicitive of the problems with the film as a whole. The best low budget films turn their obvious liabilities into strengths, while this one seems to desperately be trying to convince the audience that obvious errors or weaknesses are on purpose.

It also makes the usual error of spending it's (scant 80 minute) running time winking at the audience in recognition of its badness. From the lurid, drive-in title to the hammy acting from the leads, it's obvious that nobody is meant to take this material seriously, but it serves only to push away those who might be lured in by the title. There are no zombies here, only people wandering around mumbling about getting rid of "pesky body hair". Gore is completely non-existent, and the only real exploitative element is the copious amounts of nudity. However, even that is ineptly included as the director shot most of the scenes after the fact, tacking them in randomly throughout.

Miller gives a competent performance as the lead, and while the execution of the plot is pitiful, there's no doubt that it's at least original. In fact, in more capable hands a similar plot might have been massaged into a decent satirical horror film. The few gags that do work in this film work in spite of the direction, often because of the efforts of an obviously game cast.

The film is presented by Pathfinder Home Entertainment in a perfectly watchable full-screen transfer. Most of the film was shot in a single house, and though the settings are generally bland they look fine on the DVD.

The DVD features a Commentary with director Michael Roush, actress Jill Miller, actress Catherine Brewton, and actor and producer Bill Blum. It's good natured, featuring some fun stories from the cast, but everyone involved seems to be under the impression that the film is better than it actually is. Miller states at one point that she interprets the film as a feminist statement, and I may have missed the last twenty minutes from the constant eye-rolling caused by this remark.

Also included are cast and crew bios, as well as a short photo gallery.

If you're a fan of the genre, you've seen many filmmakers do much better with much less available to them. Hot Wax Zombies On Wheels is not fun, not scary, not entertaining, not gory, and not worth the time of anyone who might think of picking it up based on the title.

Ils (2006)

As I mentioned before in my review of À l'intérieur, it appears that the Europeans have been on a roll when it comes to making sure that the horror genre stays viable.

For once, the French are leading a charge. The resurgance in Euro-horror seems to be primarily fueled by a modern revival of the Grand Guignol, now popularly known as De Nouvelles Brutalités (literally, the New Brutality).

The titles that seem to spring up in discussions of French suspense movies and horror films worth watching include À l'intérieur, Maléfique, Sheitan, Haute Tension (which I wasn't particularly fond of), Calvaire (which I found to be more weird, surreal, and disturbing rather than truly frightening), and of course, Ils.

Ils (English title: Them) is a 2006 film co-directed by David Moreau and Xavier Palud, and featuring Olivia Bonamy and Michaël Cohen.

The film takes place in Romania, where we're introduced to Clementine (Bonamy), a young teacher who has recently relocated from France to a rural area somewhere near Bucharest. Her erstwhile lover and semi-successful novelist, Lucas (Cohen), has come along with her presumably to find inspiration for future material.

One fateful night, Clementine hears noises downstairs and Lucas decides to investigate. A poor choice, as the pair soon discover that their house has been invaded by a group of hooded teens that are interested in more than valuables.

Ils carries the ever misleading "based on true events" tag with it, as does it's apparent US remake, The Strangers.

While it's probably true that it's highly likely that Ils does indeed draw inspiration from several high-profile home invasions (ie. the Tate-LaBianca murders, the murders in Holcomb, Kansas that were the centerpiece of Truman Capote's novel, In Cold Blood), films like these are so visceral that they should be able to stand on their own without such unnecessary gimmicks.

The events in films with such tags only add to the urban legends that surround such occurrences rather than factual accountings, and it distracts from Ils's own worth as a perfectly fine suspense movie.

Ils presses it's finger on your pulse to make sure it is racing through nearly the entire seventy seven minute runtime. Ils also follows proudly in the footsteps of Cronenberg's The Brood, by providing a setting where the most brutal acts imaginable are perpetrated by children.

As adults, we usually assume that children are incapable of such inhumanity, but the truth is that we've probably absolved ourselves of the memory of amoral playground politics.

Even in the best slasher movies, the most menacing dismemberer of teen victims isn't the adult that knows right from wrong and chooses wrong; it is the killer whose mind is trapped inside a child's rudimentary understanding of laws and society and commits murder with no sense of pity or remorse.

The dealing of death is little more than a game of Hide & Seek to them, and they can't be reasoned with or dissuaded from their appointed task.

So far, I am three for three when it comes to enjoyment of the new crop of Euro-horror movies. Here's hoping I can keep the streak alive through Halloween.