The Big Boss (1971)

Very rarely, and often without warning, all the elements come together to create a full-fledged film superstar. The Big Boss (alternately - and confusingly - known as The Chinese Connection and Fists of Fury in North America) was the film that launched Bruce Lee as an international force to be reckoned with, and it's easy to see why audiences flocked to watch the charismatic kung-fu master in action. However, while credit must be given to the filmmakers for recognizing that they had captured lightning in a bottle, inevitably the film works better as a showcase for Lee than as a unique piece of martial arts cinema.

In fact, originally the film was to star established actor James Tien in the lead - and those watching for the first time may be excused for wondering why the first half focuses so obviously on Tien's character. It was the rather astute recognition of Lee's abilities which led to the expansion of his role, and his character's reluctance to fight (because of a promise to his mother) eventually gives way to Lee dispatching groups of baddies with his trademark intensity. While the plot is a fairly standard modern-day revenge story, the near-accidental build to Lee's explosive style of kung-fu - as well as its eventual release - becomes much more captivating than the uncovering of a drug smuggling operation.

Lee plays Cheng Chao-an, who travels to Thailand with his Uncle in order to find work in an ice factory with his cousins. After discovering a bag of white powder hidden in some broken ice, two of Cheng's cousins are killed to keep them quiet. Apparently there isn't a lot of money in the ice business, but the drug smuggling business is quite profitable. The remaining workers (led by James Tien's Hsu Chien) demand to know the whereabouts of the missing pair, and Hsu Chien eventually confronts the Big Boss, Hsiao Mi, but is also murdered for his efforts. When Cheng's own suspicions grow he's promoted to the position of foreman - and bribed with alcohol and prostitutes by Hsiao Mi. While fending off resentment from the remaining cousins, Cheng uncovers the drug smuggling operation - which eventually leads to a one-on-one confrontation with the big boss.

While Lee's influence on cinema, and particularly martial arts cinema, was revolutionary in a number of ways, what jumps out when watching The Big Boss is his contribution to kung-fu choreography. While the fights in the film's first half are entertaining, they mostly feature characters flailing about messily without much specific purpose. Lee's fights are a revelation, as he throws out lightning fast kicks and bone-shattering punches. His fighting has impact and is amazingly focused, which was obviously hugely influential on the Golden Harvest and Shaw Brothers films released throughout the rest of the decade.

But it wasn't just Lee's fighting abilities that eventually made him an international superstar. While The Big Boss isn't going to win any acting awards, Lee is terrific as a character with almost superhuman abilities boiling inside of him. But it's the flashes of playfulness and humor that make him such an appealing character. As the big boss, Han Ying-chieh - who also choreographed much of the action - is appropriately fiendish while James Tien is really quite good as the hurriedly pushed aside Hsiu Chien. Genre fans will recognize the late Lam Ching-ying (Eastern Condors, Mr. Vampire) in a small role.

I was actually a little surprised by the amount of bloody violence in the film. While Chang Cheh would later bring his special mix of blood and kung-fu later in the decade, there quite a bit of bloodletting - especially in an infamous scene where two character's bodies are disposed of using a buzzsaw. While the scene his been obviously edited down, it's still a bit startling. Even Bruce gets in on the action, particularly in his final confrontation with the Big Boss. Apparently there were even more violent scenes left on the cutting room floor, but i'll admit that I didn't expect these exploitive elements in what I thought to be a rather tame kung-fu film.

Director Wei Lo would later go on to direct both Fist of Fury and the Jackie Chan vehicle New Fist of Fury, and he does an adequate job of shooting the action scenes. Unfortunately, he does add a few campy elements - like Cheng punching a baddie so hard he leaves a cartoon outline in a wall - that seem out of place considering the surrounding violence.

Available in countless DVD versions of varying quality (and lengths), the 2005 DVD release from 20th Century Fox treats the film with some welcome respect. The Big Boss is presented in 2.35:1 anamorphic widescreen, and it blows all previous editions that I've seen out of the water. Despite what appeared to be a low budget, the film shows little of the grain or film damage common with martial arts films of this period. Just a great looking DVD. As well, fans are given the option of four different audio tracks: English 5.1 or DTS, Cantonese 2.0, or Mandarin 2.0. Of course there are optional English subtitles available. The Cantonese and Mandarin versions have two completely different scores, and viewers will be tickled to hear snippets from Pink Floyd and King Crimson in the Cantonese version. I don't care for English dubbing, even in kung-fu films, so I watched the very enjoyable Mandarin version. I noticed a few grammatical and spelling errors in the subtitles, but nothing that would be particularly distracting.

While it doesn't come close to matching the special features available on the Hong Kong Legends region 2 DVD releases (which have commentaries and deleted scenes), 20th Century Fox have been good enough to include the original trailer for the film, a second (particularly cheesy) new trailer, a photo gallery and slideshow, and a two and a half minute interview with actor/director Stephen Tung Wai. There are also extra trailers for City Hunter, The Young Master, The Iron-Fisted Monk and Prodigal Son.

A messy and unbalanced film, The Big Boss might not be spectacular entertainment, but it does an adequate job of showing off the acting and martial arts skill of Bruce Lee. In fact, Lee so trumps his surroundings that the film practically limps when he's not on-screen - which makes the first hour a bit of a trial. Still, patient viewers will be rewarded when he's unleashed in the film's final half hour, delivering bloody beatings in a way that only Bruce ever could. Historically important, but not worth rushing to see.

Love Exposure (2008)

Sion Sono’s movie is four hours long. Four hours. Seriously. So, there’s that.

Providing a synopsis, or even an introduction, to a four hour movie provides some challenge, which I’ll try to meet. The movie focuses on three teenagers: Yu (Takahiro Nishijima), an innocent pretty boy; Yoko (Hikari Mitsushima), the troubled girl he loves; and Koike (Sakura Ando), a young recruiter for a cult known as the Zero Church. Those are pretty superficial descriptions, but they’ll have to do. The three have a lot in common, aside from proximity: each has a (very) problematic relationship with his or her parents; each one has problems with sex and sexuality; and each one has a problematic (there’s that word again) relationship with religion.


OK, but what is it actually about? It goes something like this: Yu’s Catholic mother dies when he is very young, leaving him with a confused and complicated idea about love that might simply boil down to a good ol’ Oedipal Complex. Yu’s only real memory of his mother is her praying before the Virgin Mary, and telling Yu that, some day, he’ll have to introduce his own Mary to her. Yu’s life-long ambition becomes finding his “Mary,” his one true love (I might as well just tell you it’s Yoko). Yu’s father reacts, well, oddly to his wife’s death, and becomes a Catholic priest. He then becomes embroiled in a love affair, gets even more confused, and begins sadistically forcing his son, Yu, to confess his sins, at length, every day. And they better be good ones.

And there’s the problem. Since Yu is such a nancy boy, he has no sins to confess. So, he joins a gang, and becomes a pervert. He is mentored in the ways of taking peek-a-boo, upskirt panty shots. Utilizing some form of advanced Kung Fu, Yu snaps pictures of girls’ undies with style and panache; once his talent is discovered, he begins working for a porn company, and becomes known as the King of the Perverts. All to impress his dad in the confessional.

During Yu’s perverse odyssey, he encounters, first, Koike, who is the film’s chief antagonist. She decides to manipulate Yu, since she loves him (I suppose), and her love is unrequited. Koike hates men in general, and works for the Zero Church, which gets its money through charitable donations and from kidnapping the families of church members, presumably selling their stuff. Her primary goal in life becomes keeping Yu separate from Yoko, his “Mary,” the one woman he truly loves.


Jesus, this is getting long. Anyway, Yoko is another teenager, whose hatred for men only excludes two examples: Kurt Cobain and Jesus Christ. Yu first sees her when she is being beset upon by a gang of hooligans, who she is all-too-eager to fight. But here’s the complication: though Yu immediately recognizes her as his one true love, he can’t really act upon it, since, due to a forfeit from a pervert competition, he’s currently in drag. And not just any drag: he’s dressed up like the protagonist of the Female Prisoner Scorpion films.

And then shit gets complicated. Koike throws a monkey wrench in things by pretending to be the real Miss Scorpion, and she and Yoko begin a love affair, excluding Yu from the mix. Throw in an ass-ton of heavy-handed Catholic imagery, lots of perverts, Manga-style editing and action, some Kung Fu, and plenty of panty shots--plus more melodrama than you can shake a stick at--and what you end up with is four hours of Love Exposure.


What’s really incredible about Love Exposure is that it even exists. I mean, it’s a four hour epic romance about perverts and cross-dressers and Kung Fu. What the fuck. I couldn’t help but think of Tarsem’s The Fall; both are clearly a labour of love, and their very existence defies the logic of the marketplace and the current status of global cinema. It should also be pointed out that, while four hours hardly fly along (and you should distrust anyone making such a claim), the film hardly seems onerous or dull. And that’s quite an achievement.

One major issue I have with the film, though, is that I feel, in a way, it wimps out. For four hours, the audience gets an inside look at perversion, from incest to lesbianism to voyeurism to cross-dressing, etc. And Yu makes the point, again and again, that “perverts” are perverts for a reason. They’re shown sympathetically; in fact, they’re shown as the norm, with the straight, monogamous heterosexual relationships almost always being represented as dysfunctional. But, in the end, Yu gets the girl; Love Exposure ends up reinforcing heteronormativity, making the long haul through the rest of the film seem like a long (and perhaps tedious) diversion through juvenile perversions, only to end up with a more mature heterosexual monogamy. And that’s a shame, since it effectively undercuts the subversive intentions (or at least the subversive direction) of the rest of the film. I can’t come down too hard on this ending, though, since it doesn’t betray the film’s other major theme: Catholicism. The crucifix and the Virgin Mary are among the first images that appear on the screen, and recur throughout, adding more complication than clarification.

Sion Sono’s Love Exposure is a hell of an achievement. But does that mean it’s worth seeking out? I … don’t know. I’ve seen the film, and thought about it a great deal, and I can’t tell if it’s genius, or if its boosters are confusing it for genius based on the size of its undertaking. It’s something unlike any film I’ve ever seen before, though, and that’s certainly an accomplishment.

Return Of The Kung-Fu Dragon (aka Ju ma pao) (1976)

With a number of notable exceptions, the plots of many of the kung-fu films being churned out in the 1970s were fairly standard. Often productions went forward with only the most basic outline of a script (usually based on Chinese Legend or stories performed in Peking Opera), which is why many of the plots usually boil down to basic revenge stories. It's always interesting, therefore, when productions have a bit more ambition in their story, and Return Of The Kung-Fu Dragon certainly has some ambition - though it is throttled significantly by weak production values and editing.

On beautiful Phoenix Island, the Golden City is ruled by a kind and benevolant emperor and his three loyal guards - Chei Chan, Ma Kun and Sian Pau Ting - who have combined their skills into an unbeatable form of kung-fu. One day the Golden City is attacked by General Black and his evil wizard, who storm the palace and murder Chei Chan and Sian Pau Ting, leaving the wounded Ma Kun (who is forced to leave his wife and young daughter behind) to escape with Golden City's princess. He delivers her to Hsiang Chien Chiao before dying.

19 years pass before the now grown princess feels prepared to take the throne, but her kung-fu isn't strong enough so, on Hsian Chien Chiao's advice, she seeks out the children of the murdered guards - starting with the child of Ma Kun, Ma Chen Chen (Polly Kwan), who has been raised by the Empress as her own daughter. After the Empress reveals the truth, Ma Chen Chen tracks down Chan Kwan Yu and Chang Ta, the children of the other two guards, and the three - along with Hsiang Chien Chiao's midget servant - confront the evil Emperor and take back the city.

It wasn't so long ago that the idea of watching a subtitled, widescreen, remastered print of a Shaw Brothers or Golden Harvest production would be almost unthinkable. It's only been in recent years that these films have started to recieve the treatment they desserve, but there are still hundreds of kung-fu films that are available solely in a badly dubbed, pan and scan format. Return of The Kung-Fu Dragon, being in the public domain, is very unlikely to get the royal treatment, so how the film looks in its current incarnation may be the best we can currently expect.

Which is a shame, as while the film is hardly a classic, it's very difficult to review it in its current form, which is obviously quite far removed from the filmmakers' original intent. It suffers from all of the common flaws; atrocious dubbing, tinny sound, and cropping that has characters jumping in and out of frame at random. The zoomed in image is particularly egregious, as this film often has characters approaching each other from the margins of the screen. The kung-fu fights, which are really the highlight of this production, are particularly crippled by this.

Not the the film isn't significantly flawed already. While I praised some of the complexity of the storyline, it's often needlessly confusing - feeling like a dramatically longer work that has significantly cut down. This feeling is enhanced by the odd editing choices throughout; characters appear randomly, music stops suddenly, and occasionally shots are on-screen for a only an instant before it confusingly cuts away. It makes the whole experience of watching rather frustrating.

The high point of the film is the choreography particularly Cheung Lik and Li Chung Chien (Chan Kwan Yu and Chang Ta) who have an acrobatic and hard hitting fighting style. Polly Kwan is great as Ma Chen Chen, particularly when she stamps her foot like a horse when anticipating a fight, but her fighting looks a bit soft and hesitant at times. Hsiao Wang as the creepy, mischievous midget is certainly memorable, and the rest of the cast are fine, though the dubbing certainly hurts their performances.

Part of the Millcreek 50 Kung-Fu film collection, Return Of The Kung-Fu Dragon probably looks very similar to how it did in the VHS days - full-screen, fuzzy, and washed out. It's a colorful film, but the muted colors make already flimsy sets look even cheaper. Online versions seem to look similar, so it's possible there simply isn't a better version of this film commonly available. As usual, we get four chapter stops and nothing else.

While hardly memorable, Return Of The Kung-Fu Dragon is fast paced and has some impressive fights, though this is more than weighed down by a confounding fantasy plot, incomprehensible editing and likely the worst dubbing in this whole collection - and that's saying something. In its original form it might be worthwhile, but this murky, dubbed mess is likely best avoided.

Roaring Fire (Hoero! Tekken) (1982)

Let’s see if I remember everything important: Juji is a Japanese cowboy who knows Kung Fu. Then there’s Spartacus, played by pro wrestling legend Abdullah the Butcher. And Sonny Chiba plays a magician. Who does ventriloquism. But actually works for Interpol. And Joji’s blind sister-in-law (at least I think that’s the relation) can fight like Zatoichi. And also there are Nazis, ninjas, car chases, a helicopter, bananas stuffed with heroin, a Russian boxer, a melee on the top of a moving bus, trap doors, and some other improbable stuff that I’m sure I’m forgetting. This is some wild shit right here. Seriously, Norifumi Suzuki’s Roaring Fire (Hoero! Tekken) is the movie you had playing in your head when you were a twelve year-old boy hopped up on Pixy Stix and Tab; even back then you never thought someone would be stupid enough to make it, but you always hoped they would.


Joji (Hiroyuki Sanada) is the long lost twin brother of the heir of a wealthy Japanese businessman. He was kidnapped as a child, and raised as a cowboy. Joji is told this by his (adopted) father, the kidnapper, who begins the movie on his deathbed. Then we get a montage of Joji riding his horse, lassoing stuff with cowboys, and throwing hatchets with Indians (the types of Indians that only exist in Westerns, but whatever). We, the film-going audience, realize that during the duration of the film Joji is going to have to ride a horse and lasso something and throw a hatchet at someone, and we are pleased by this development. Also, he has a pet chimp. I should probably mention that.

Joji returns to Japan, to discover that his twin, Toru, has been killed by the Hong Kong mob, that his parents are dead, and that his family’s home is currently occupied by judgmental bikini babes who take umbrage at the sassy pranks played by his chimp. So they call Spartacus (Abdullah the Butcher), who tries to beat up poor Joji. But Joji’s too quick, and he escapes! And Spartacus, thus bested, decides to become his best friend. Or something.


Through a series of events too baffling or forgettable to explain, Joji runs into Mr. Magic (Sonny Chiba), an Interpol agent, posing as a magician (for some inexplicable reason) who does a bewildering ventriloquist act (for some inexplicable, yet awesome, reason) and who tries to clue Joji in to the fact that his uncle is evil. We, the audience, know that Joji’s uncle is evil, because when Joji’s not around he has sinister conversations, shot at sinister low angles, and is usually framed by a conveniently-placed Nazi flag or a swastika. Any connection he might have to the National Socialist movement is unclear--in fact, I think this is just a shortcut to establish that he’s evil. Nazis are evil + he likes Nazis = he’s evil.

Soon Joji becomes hip to the fact that his uncle had his parents killed so that he can take over the family. Then, having gained this prestige, he intends to buy his way into politics, using the money he gains from selling the family jewels to drug lords, who will help him smuggle bananas filled with heroin into the country. And then maybe he’ll use his connections to help the Nazis (?). But that's just speculation.


To thwart his uncle, Joji has to involve himself in some of the craziest shit every seen on film. He fights a bare-chested Russian boxer, and battles ninjas disguised as monks in a scene clearly intended to mimic cartoons rather than reality. He is aided by Mr. Magic, his Zatoichi-esque sister-in-law, and Abdullah the Butcher, each of whom get at least one kick-ass fight scene in which to show of their chops. Hiroyuki Sanada is no slouch either, and at several times during the film he does acrobatic stuff that reminds you just how cool kung-fu can be.


The director, Norifumi Suzuki, is primarily known as a talented sleaze-meister, with some popular pinky films to his name, such as School of the Holy Beast, Sex & Fury, and the Girl Boss series. Suzuki is not unlike Lone Wolf & Cub director Kenji Misumi, in that he’s incredibly talented at what he does, and what he does is make violent genre films that most serious critics and movie goers would turn their noses down at. He is, however, a real artist, and it shows in a film like Hoero! Tekken, which may remind you of John Carpenter’s Big Trouble in Little China, if that film was even more bizarre and action-packed. In the hands of a lesser director, this would come off as a terrible mess, instead of what it really is: an amazing mess.

To the best of my knowledge, there’s no official, English-friendly DVD out there of Hoero! Tekken, and I sure wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for one. This film attracts a select few--those who enjoy Kung Fu, camp, puppets, and subtitles--and so I doubt anyone’s clamouring to make it available. However, if anyone has read this far and thinks “Hey, this is right up my alley!”, it probably is, and you should seek it out. Now.

Emperor Of Shaolin Kung Fu (aka The Snake, The Tiger, The Crane) (1981)

PLOT:

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During the Ming Dynasty, bandits attack the capital and the emperor, facing unsurmountable odds, prepares to commit suicide. Wanting his daughter (Nancy Yen) to join him in death, he cuts off her arm, but she escapes and (with the help of some Buddhist monks) soon recovers. She travels the country seeking followers to help her gain revenge, but faces failure and betrayal which eventually lead her to madness. A young butcher (Carter Wong) takes pity on her and they marry before he pursues his own campaign to kill the bandit leader.

REVIEW:

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An unfortunate reality of being a fan of kung-fu films is having to regularly deal with seeing perfectly good films ruined by a combination of wretched dubbing and crippling pan & scan nonsense. This tends to neuter possible dramatic elements, and can detract significantly from the actions scenes that are the initial draw. Which is not to say that Emperor Of Shaolin Kung Fu is some sort of mishandled gem, but it is difficult to appreciate even its meagar charms because of the glaring technical limitations.

Of course, the best kung-fu films are able to transcend such limitations, which is something that this film simply can't achieve. While obviously influenced by Chinese mythology with nods to the One Armed Swordsmen films, the episodic storyline holds few surprises and has a directional change in the final twenty minutes that is as silly as it is totally nonsensical. Nancy Yen is formidable in the lead, but the script never properly explains her motivations. Even taken as a simply revenge film (with fantasy elements), it's just too unnecessarily muddled to be effective.

Carter Wong (Big Trouble In Little China) fans will be disappointed to find he only shows up in the last quarter, and spends much of his time emoting to his mother. When he does finally get a chance to show off his kung-fu skill it's short lived and hurt by the choppy editing which neuters all of the action of the film.

However, it's the dubbing and translation which makes watching the plot limp along so painful. It's not just that the acting itself is horrific (which it is), it's that the actual lines are awkward and are obviously far removed from their original meeting. Early in the film the One Armed Princess meets up with some bullies in a restaurant. She gets off a real zinger by telling the leader: "Your father is a dog, and your mother a pig. That's why you are ugly". The line would be groan worthy in the best hands, but pair it with a robotic line delivery and an amusing scene becomes painfully sad.

The film is shot on both locations and some really fakey looking sets. Again, a colorful bright print of the film shown in its original ratio might have covered some of the problems, but directors Li Shia-Jie & Lau Chung Pak deserve criticism for the bland surroundings and lifeless kung-fu action. The film ends with a whimper (and expository voice over) as it hobbles to the ninety minute mark.

Once again taken from the Millcreek 50 Kung-Fu Film collection, the print is ragged and faded, particularly in the opening narration. The sound is acceptable, but after hearing the efforts of the voice actors you may have trouble resisting the temptation to pierce your own eardrums. Fullscreen, of course, and the dark scenes can be a little too dark as per usual.

Hey! Chapter Selections! Awesome.

Emperor Of Shaolin Kung Fu (aka The Snake, The Tiger, The Crane) would be a below average kung-fu flick in its best form, but this garbled mess is near unwatchable and an insult to the performers involved. Tai Seng have also released a DVD of the film that may be an improvement on this version, but it's improvements would have to be astronomical to bring this film out of the doldrums.

The Four Shaolin Challengers (1977)

PLOT:

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Lin Shih Yung (Larry Lee Gam-Kwan) is a student of Wong Fei Hung who finds himself a hero after standing up to a gang that is threatening his local market. He soon opens a kung-fu school, but is pushed into exile after the gangsters attack his students and force his friend Jing-Jing into prostitution. Three of his Kung Fu school brothers (Bruce Leung, Wong Yuen-San & Jason Pai Piao) arrive to offer help, and to kick the crap out of anyone who gets in their way. This includes crime boss Shiao Pei Li (Lau Dan), who employs his own fighters to take on the four Shaolin challengers.

That was succinct. As one might imagine, the best fights come when the Shaolin four take on these hired guns.

REVIEW:

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Middle-of-the-road kung fu flick featuring and entertaining climax that unfortunately proves to be too little, too late. The Four Shaolin Challengers includes some strong onscreen talent, but the stilted story and mundane set pieces don't give them much of an opportunity to show off their talents. Some lousy dubbing and painful pan and scanning also make watching the film an often frustrating experience.

Lin Shih Yung (Larry Lee Gam-Kwan) draws the most attention as a supporse student of Wong Fei Hung (who is only mentioned briefly, and his famous theme song is played, but doesn't actually appear), but his fight scenes are not particularly exciting. More enjoyable (and top billed) is Bruce Leung (Kung Fu Hustle) as Devil Kick Chi. He's mostly played for comic relief, but gets a few chances to show off some charisma and terrific kicking. The other two brothers are generally unmemorable until the final fight sequence, but Lao Dan as Shaio Pei Li makes an appropriately malevolant villain.

The story, particularly the parts revolving around Jing-Jing and her conversion into prostitution, is confusing at best. Much of it seems to have been devised during filming, and the connection between Jing Jing and the Shaolin brothers is never properly explained. While this does lead to a few confrontations after Jing Jing is raped, it all feels shoehorned in and is obvious filler.

Things do pick up in the last twenty minutes when the four stars finally get to pair off against the hired goons in some one on one action. While the choreography isn't mindblowing, the weapons on display are original and we get to witness stick fighting, baton fighting, umbrella fighting and (my personal favorite) cymbal fighting. The battles are original and entertaining, though serve to spotlight the wasted potential of the first seventy minutes. As well, this weapons showcase seems to come from nowhere as, except for a brief earlier scene of the thugs showing off their skills, these unusual weapons are never mentioned.

The Four Shaolin Challengers is a public domain film and is featured in the Millcreek Martial Arts 50 Pack. This tranfer is full screen, and painfully pan and scanned which makes even the more entertaining fights hard to enjoy since director Wei Hui Feng loves to shoot scenes in close-up. The sound is also a problem, as the dubbing is particularly poorly done and often hard to hear. Obviously the storyline isn't particularly engrossing to begin with, but plot details sometimes get lost in bad translations and lousy voice acting.

No special features here except chapter selections. Though, if you just want to jump to the last twenty minutes, this could be very useful.

The original title of the film literally translates to Wong Fei-Hung's Four Big Disciples which explains how this movie was originally sold. Audiences must have been disappointed to instead find a severe lack of Wong Fei-Hung and, even more tragic, a lack of kung-fu fights. As average as they come, The Four Shaolin Challengers wastes some strong talent on a weak story.

Enter The Fat Dragon (aka Fei Lung gwoh gong) (1978)

[I had some issues taking screenshots, so the pictures have been taken from other sources and may not represent the actual picture quality of the film]

PLOT:

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Sammo Hung plays Lung, a young pig farmer who is pressured by his father to move to the big city to assist at his Uncle's restaurant. Lung idolizes Bruce Lee, and when his Uncle is threatened by some punks, he transforms from a bumbling country boy into a Kung-Fu master. He later has to use these skills to help his cousin, and a young lady friend who has been kidnapped, fend off a perverted crime boss and his goons.

REVIEW:

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Ostensibly a parody of Bruce Lee films (particularly Enter The Dragon and Way Of The Dragon), Enter The Fat Dragon is instead a loving tribute to Lee from Sammo Hung (who actually appeared briefly in Enter The Dragon early in his career). Released amongst a slew of films from Bruce Lee imitators, Sammo's Bruce Lee impression is eerily (and amusingly) spot on, and even if the fights don't match up to Sammo's best of the era, there's plenty of impressive action and (for once) some actually amusing humor.

Sammo built his career on being surprisingly agile for a pudgy guy, and his characters are normally underestimated for being lazy (in this film, and others, he's referred to often as "fatty" or "pig") before blowing people's minds with his shocking fighting skills. Hung is working double duty here as both actor and director, and he shows a strong talent for capturing fight scenes, particularly in the finale (where Sammo takes on a series of henchmen individually) which could have easily felt claustrophobic with the three fights taking place in an enclosed warehouse.

Speaking of the final scene, it would be hard not to mention that one of the Chinese actors is in black face with an afro. It's more comical than offensive, and was apparently included as a parody of the American practice of casting white actors as Asians. The fight scenes as a whole vary wildly in terms of quality, with most of the early scenes involving Lung easily dispatching of a group of toughs. The most amusing fight scene occurs when Sammo is asked to be an extra in a Bruce Lee knock-off film and finds himself offended at the quality of the fighting of the Bruce Lee imitator. He voices his displeasure by beating the actor (and the other extras) into oblivion.

Kung- fu film fans will find lots of recognizable faces. Yuen Baio (Knockabout, The Prodigal Son) makes an opening credits appearance, Eric Tsang pops up briefly, and Leung Ka-Yan (who starred with Sammo in The Victim) shows up as Sammo's final opponent.

The Crash Cinema DVD features a pretty ratty print of the film, but it's luckily presented in it's original 2.35:1 ratio and is subtitled. Unfortunately, the subtitles are both burned in and feature plenty of spelling and grammatical errors. That said, it's always watchable and it's not difficult to follow the minimal plot on display. The sound is acceptable, and the soundtrack (which is an obvious nod to Lalo Schifrin's score to Enter The Dragon) is amusing in its own right.

Outside of chapter selections, the DVD features no special features.

More tribute that parody, Enter The Fat Dragon may be inconsistent at times, but it builds well and the humor works with the plot instead of being seemingly tossed in randomly. A fine introduction for those interested in Sammo's work, and a testament to the respect he had for Bruce Lee and his films. It would be nice to see a better presentation of the film on DVD, but for fans of Sammo Hung or Bruce Lee, this is a must watch.

Ninja Champion (1985)

PLOT:

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Ok. This might get messy. So, at heart it's a basic revenge movie in the vein of I Spit On Your Grave. A woman is raped by three thugs wearing make-up, and after getting out of hospital she tracks them down and kills them one by one. Meanwhile, an ex-lover/Interpol agent who abandoned her after the rape and remarried (awfully quickly) comes back into her life, and she also accepts the help of a bald, muscle-bound retarded guy. Oh, and she's involved in diamond smuggling in some way. OH! And we find out she has a twin sister who is also involved in the revenge scheme.

But, forget all of that. You might be wondering about the title: Ninja Champion. Where are the ninjas, goober? Well, there are ninjas here. We know they are ninjas because they dress up in bright red and blue pajamas, and sometimes have the word NINJA on their headbands. These scenes are actually entertaining in a silly way, but have absolutely no relationship to the revenge film outside of some dialogue that comically tries to tie things together. The film culminates in a DUAL TO THE DEATH between the white (good guy) and red (bad guy) ninja that apparently takes place on a playground. After some baffling exposition, red-guy gets stabbed on the monkey bars. Rough way to go.

REVIEW:

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Oh yeah. This is what bad is like. You may remember the name Godfrey Ho from my review of The Shaolin Drunk Monkey. In the mid-80s, our man Godfrey came up with a tremendous money-making idea. Ninjas were huge, so he purchased the rights to not-quite-complete films, sprinkled in some new scenes featuring rainbow colored masked ninjas, and then re-dubbed the whole thing and gave it a title like Rage Of Ninja, or Full Metal Ninja (Actual Titles!).

These low-budget titles were regular features in video stores in the 80s, and for anyone unlucky enough to see more than one a pattern soon began to develop. Ho would re-use footage constantly, commonly sticking his American actors in multiple films, though the footage was obviously all shot at once. It must have been his effort to corner the crucial Michael Dudikoff market.

For instance, the ninja star of this film (named.. Donald) is played by Bruce Baron. In 1986, Bruce Baron "starred" in The Ultimate Ninja, Ninja Destroyer and Challenge Of The Ninja. Take a wild guess who directed those three. It's a particularly creative form of hackery, and a ballsy one at that, since these films make almost no sense at all. On top of that, Ho takes full directing credit despite often not being involved with a majority of the footage actually on-screen! And that is how a director gets over 100(!!) directing credits in just under 30 years.

An even more egregious example is a minute long scene featuring Richard Harrison (who was a well regarded actor in Italy) who was in no less than 18(!!!) films with the word Ninja in the title. Almost all directed by Godfrey Ho, and almost always playing a character called Gordon since the footage for all of these films came from one session of filming.

But what about Ninja Champion? Obviously two separate films stuck together with chewing gum and spit, it's actually probably best to review them seperately.

The female revenge flick is bland, pedestrian stuff. In one scene the female protagonist is captured in a car and asks for a chance to put on make-up before her capturer (and former rapist) kills her. His response? "Don't do it too well, or I may want to rape you again before I kill you!". You stay classy, Godfrey Ho.

Oddly, there's actually a bit of kung-fu in the film, and it's not at all bad. My favorite bit is when the boyfriend/interpol agent jumps into the air and vanishes completely, leaving his attackers dumb-founded. If only he taught his lady-friend this teleportation trick!

But the film is limp and uninteresting. There's a bizarre early scene where Rose (our unfortunate female lead) visits a diamond smuggler and drops her top, revealing.. um.. shininess. Or a heavenly glow. Or something. It's quite bizarre, particularly since we get a gratuitous nipple shot about five minutes later.

Most of Rose's revenge attempts involve poison, so we're not treated to any I Spit On Your Grave penis-cuttings (Spoiler!), and it's frankly a little difficult to understand the motivations behind her rape even after several long-winded explanations. The man-child who enters the film in the final scene seems to be missing an entire back story, likely excised to make room for more ninja action!

Speaking of the ninja action.. It's not bad. I mean, it's only likely ten minutes of the running time, but it includes some nice acrobatics and swordplay and isn't particularly offensive outside the fact that:

• The ninjas are dressed in bright rainbow colors.
• The ninjas are clearly marked as such, which must hurt subterfuge.
• The fights are often preceded with some nifty circus tricks, including one spry ninja literally jumping through (small) hoops to make us happy.
• The male American leads are.. weird looking. I can't really explain it, but they just are.

Video quality is bad, but watchable. The dubbing is terrible.

There is really no reason to ever watch this film. The revenge story is confusing and slow, and the ninja footage is probably repeated in some other, possibly better, Godfrey Ho film. Any interesting parts from Ninja Champion (including the blatant Star Wars rip-off music right off the bat) are right here:

Chase Step By Step (1974)

PLOT:

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A drought has hit a poor county in China and the people are suffering. Two circus performers, Tsao Wu & Ling Wing (Feng Hsu), are asked to escort a delivery of gold to the area. On the way they are attacked by everyone. Honestly. Every single person they run into tries to steal the gold, or kill them and *then* steal the gold. Eventually they reach the county and are (surprise) attacked once again. Luckily our two heroes use their significant kung-fu skills (and a few circus tricks) to smack around anyone who tries to attack them.

REVIEW:

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Chase Step By Step is saddled with a bad title, but it actually has the ingredients to be a rather interesting kung-fu film. The idea of mixing circus performing (demonstrated in the opening credits) with kung-fu action would seem to be a natural mix, and the acrobatics of performers in the late 70s (and the comedy that was injected into kung-fu films of that era) might have proven this to be a precursor of that style. Unfortunately, while there are a few moments of unique action, the vast majority is slow, blandly choreographed kung-fu with some blatant undercranking meant to make the fights appear faster.

This style of kung-fu, where the opponents often don't appear to be even attempting to hit our heroes, was quite common in the mid-70s and could be looked past if the plot provided anything interesting. However, what exists of the plot is barely a skeletal structure on which to hang fight scene after fight scene. The relationship between the two leads quickly becomes irritating, with Ling Wing becoming intolerable as the film moves along. Her shrillness certainly doesn't do the film any favors.

To the film's benefit, the multitude of fight scenes at least keeps the pace moving and when the pair does use their circus-honed skills it makes for some interesting visuals. Tsao Wu uses stilts to briefly fight off some attackers, and the two walk across a tight-rope with the gold to escape some attackers. More integration of these sorts of skills might have made the material something special, but instead only serves to remind the viewer of the lost potential here.

The video quality of the film is rather abysmal at first (particularly in the opening credits, where the image is stretched horribly), but evens out to just being bad throughout a majority of the film. Occasionally the fight scenes find characters wandering in and out of frame, though this is a limitation of a 235:1 being cropped so significantly. The dubbed audio is often ludicrous, but is intelligible enough throughout most of the film.

Action packed, but tiresome kung-fu entry handicapped by some lackluster fighting that betrays the era it was made. Purely mediocre with a few memorable moments.